Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
