Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
