I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
