Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
