Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
