She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize