Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
