Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
