No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
