It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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