Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
