did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
