woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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