Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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