So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
