Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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