I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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