U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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