I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
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it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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