I just pynch a tree in the face
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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