I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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