Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He felt like a one man threesome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She made me pour olive oil on her.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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