I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
