TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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