Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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