nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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