kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
