he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
