this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
