Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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