I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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