I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
