well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
