He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
