Will you blow on my dice?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
