the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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