i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
