Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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