Do you still have your period?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
