you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
