I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
