Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He felt like a one man threesome
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
