he wants to bone in the snuggie
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
