I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
