marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
