if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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