what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
