I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
