Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
