dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
