I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
