you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
