I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
