That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
