i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
