kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
