I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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