I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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