absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
