Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
