i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
