I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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