How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the day after is always just damage control
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
