Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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