it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
