I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
