Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
