Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize